Asking for help
Posted on 26th February 2022
I was so stubborn many years ago I would not ask for any help. I was living in the countryside on my own with 3 young children. Miles away from any support. I also had a chronic addiction going on that I was battling with. At the time I felt it was the only coping strategy I had.
One night I was so desperately stressed, anxious and depressed, really feeling that I could not go on any more I asked god for help. Now I am not religious at all but in this moment, due to my stubbornness and resistance to asking anyone for help I was really in a desperate place.
The next afternoon I had a massive car accident and was rushed into hospital. I got the help I needed. I was signed up for some support with my addiction and got some help from other services with the children. I also started to ask my family for help. I engaged in some counselling and acupuncture. Eventually I entered a treatment centre for my addiction and my life has just turned around since then. I would not ask for help but had to after the accident. I realised as part of my recovery that it is ok to ask for help, in fact it is necessary sometimes, don't be like me and have to wait for something really bad to happen before you put down your pride and ask for help.
Our minds are often resistant to asking for help. This is a defence mechanism which is based in your brain trying to help you but in fact it is not. It is lying to you telling you that if you ask for help you are going to suffer and perhaps be criticised or appear weak. Our brains always fight against anything that has a 'weakness' message because in cave man times weakness could get us killed. When we ask for help we feel vulnerable. The brain wrongly interprets this as weakness. Being vulnerable is actually a strength in this day and age. By being vulnerable we can find a way to be true to ourselves to align with who we really are and accept ourselves completely for who we are.
But how do you know it is going to be the right help and do you pay for it or not?
This is a difficult question and a very personal one. As I stated earlier in this blog I was forced into the position of getting help and hence surrendered to what was offered because I was desperate.
Prior to that I was someone who would not ask for any help. I felt it was my responsibility to be responsible and also believed that I could do most things without help. Not quite sure where this thinking rooted because I would not have progressed academically if I had not had teachers at school.
So where do you sit on the asking for help scale? Do you feel you could do with it? Could you trust someome? Would it be the right person and how much money would you pay for it?
This is different for everyone. I have some clients who are absolutely relieved to find me and trust me 100% from the start of our work together. Other clients like to get to know me.
I am certainly in the category of really needing to get to know a person before I ask for help but I feel in some ways this can hold me back from progressing and pushing myself and growing in my knowledge. Others can show me possiblity where perhaps I can not see it myself.
By getting help we admit to our struggles, we acknowledge our own limits (we all have them), but it can make us feel quite vulnerable. We surrender to the advice and guidance of other people who may know a little bit more about what we are struggling with than we do. Again this may be quite a challenging thing to do but do you remember the old saying 'two heads are better than one?'
So what happens next?
Once you ask for help you may recieve a road map of a way forward, you have someone by your side helping you. Doesn't that sound so much easier? You can let go of some of the need to work it all out by yourself. You have an accountability partner to keep you on track. Falling off track or not sticking to our goals and resolutions is a human condition we all have. Well I certainly do. It does not mean you are pathetic or weak, it means you are human. I always do so much better when I have someone who I am accountable to for my progress today.
I can help you now with your anxiety, stress and depression, book a call with me if you would like to reach out and get some support.
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