Feeling guilt is a natural response, yet we often attach unnecessary or 'false guilt' to situations that do not truly warrant it.
Guilt is a natural feeling when setting boundaries in our lives, especially if we’re not used to doing so. Guilt is the emotion we feel when we believe we’ve done something wrong, and as social beings, it plays an important role in helping us navigate relationships, be appropriate and conduct ourselves well.
However, there is also false guilt—the feeling that we’ve done something wrong when, in reality, we haven’t. This often shows up when we set boundaries. The belief that a boundary is “wrong” usually comes from old, inherited beliefs formed in childhood or in our family system. Many of these beliefs are no longer helpful, true, or relevant today, and some may even be harmful.
If you feel guilty for setting a boundary that you know you need, you may be abandoning your own truth in order to please others. This kind of people-pleasing is essentially a form of dishonesty, and over time it can cause significant damage in relationships. That is what truly should cause guilt—not honouring a boundary that protects your well-being.
Check yourself
A useful tool if you are feeling unsure whether your feeling of guilt is justified is to test yourself....Try this self-trial scenario. Set the scene, who is there? what are the arguments? What might the feedback and conclusions be?
The Mother Solution retreats and courses guide you to identify family patterns, traits and beliefs passed down the generations. Once they are identified the healing and changing patterns work, for you, begins!
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