Change, Happiness and Letting Go
Posted on 20th November 2020
Believe me I could honestly say that I now have a life that is so much better than it was. Mainly because I take care of myself today. In turn I can kind of take care of others better and I am more present and emotionally available but I have also learnt where the point is to ‘let go’.
In 2001 I wanted my life to change. That was my story.
Yours may be different, maybe change is something that has come on unexpectedly.
Whether change is something that you want to happen, feel has to happen or suddenly you are thrown into the process of is similar.
Why is it similar?
Because our brain reacts to it the same way
Our brains struggle to comprehend change
Our brain likes and promotes safety, so in it’s eyes, the same means safety. Change is something that is difficult for the brain to comprehend.
We become conditioned to circumstances and ways of being, thinking and living. Change is not easy.
The good news is that anyone can go through change and come out the other side but it often has it’s ups and downs and support definitely helps.
Change involves effort, new ways of thinking, adaptation and letting go (something I will talk about later)
I recently carried out a survey with everyone and so many people said they wanted to be happy as part of their life goals. Of course we want to be happy, who would not want to be happy.
In 1998 when I had my life changing car accident (another story - listen to my podcast) I wanted to be happy. I did not want the pain anymore. That was what prompted me to do something. At the time I did not actually see myself as deserving happiness or as happiness being something that I could achieve.
Now I would say I have achieved happiness today but it is not as perhaps some might want happiness. Currently I am struggling with a ‘black cloud’ which I am having to work hard at keeping at bay. This involves yoga and meditation every day. Making sure I am around people, attending support groups and taking time out to talk with my friends, eat good food and exercise, yesterday I mowed the lawn and went for a lovely walk to keep active. I am constantly battling with an inner sense of discontent and unhappiness. I have learnt over the years that these feelings pass.
My mother suffered with mental illness difficulties and one of the things she would say to me when she was in a depression was ‘this will pass’. Funnily enough the 12 step fellowships also use this slogan.
On a lighter note though happiness is achievable.
My life was miserable before I made the changes I needed to.
Perhaps your life was good before the change?
Whatever your circumstances, how you apply your meaning of what happiness is for you is your responsibility.
We can choose to do things that make us feel happier or we can choose to do things that drain us and make us miserable. Don't get me wrong life has ups and downs, as I have said being happy is a struggle just now.
The one thing I have done is moved away from things that make me unhappy.
Again choice comes into it.
Check in with yourself regularly, journal your thoughts, check your motives, do things that lead to happiness and that you enjoy, take on your responsibilities but don’t begrudge them. If you are, check out that you are not overstepping due to guilt or something.
In the past I had to let go of my dream home, I have had to let go of ex partners, I have had to let go of other people, needing them to be a certain way so I can be happy.
This is a tough process but I do know that one of the main things I have had to do is feel.
My drug use in the past was alot about ‘not feeling’. I didn't even know that then. I would just numb myself out and not even know why I was doing it.
When we let go we need to ‘feel’ the sadness. Sometimes we might be letting go of something that was not good for us, it is still important to feel the sadness, not all the time because it is important to focus on your change and moving forward but sadness may be part of the process.
I am saying this because if you are moving out of something that is not good for you and you need to change, are striving for happiness, be prepared for some sadness and tell yourself it’s ok to feel this. In fact it is completely normal.
Be kind to yourself, whatever you are feeling, whatever you are going through.
Balance the need for change with happiness, let go of what is not good for you and allow yourself to find this process hard.
This can change every day and is ongoing.
If you would like to join me on building your dream life and working out what you need to do to get this, book a call with me so together we can work out what steps you need to take.
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